Define Your Core Values
Most people can’t name their core values. When pressed, they list aspirations: “integrity, family, growth, health, kindness.” Noble. Generic. Useless for actual decision-making.
Real values are revealed by behavior, not by what sounds good. Look at where you spend your time and money. That’s what you actually value, regardless of what you claim.
This protocol forces honesty. The goal isn’t a pretty list for your wall. It’s a decision filter that actually works.
Objective
Identify 5 core values that reflect who you actually are and who you want to become. Then use them as a decision framework: when choices conflict, values break the tie.
Why Values Matter
Without explicit values, you default to:
- Social pressure: Doing what others expect
- Path of least resistance: Doing what’s easiest
- Impulse: Doing what feels good now
Values provide a decision framework that’s independent of mood, social context, or short-term incentives. When you know what matters, hard choices become clearer.
The Protocol
Step 1: The Elimination Method (30 minutes)
Start with a long list. Here are 30 common values:
Achievement, Adventure, Authenticity, Balance, Compassion, Courage, Creativity, Curiosity, Discipline, Family, Freedom, Generosity, Growth, Health, Honesty, Humor, Independence, Integrity, Justice, Kindness, Knowledge, Leadership, Loyalty, Mastery, Patience, Relationships, Resilience, Security, Service, Simplicity
Round 1: Cross out any that don’t resonate. Be ruthless. Get to 15.
Round 2: For each remaining value, ask: “Would I sacrifice comfort for this?” Cross out any where the answer is no. Get to 10.
Round 3: Force rank the 10. Now cut the bottom 5.
Your top 5 are your core values. Not aspirations. Priorities.
Step 2: The Behavior Audit (20 minutes)
For each of your 5 values, answer honestly:
- Where did I live this value in the last month? (Specific example)
- Where did I violate this value in the last month? (Specific example)
- What would change if I took this value seriously?
If you can’t find a single example of living a value, it might be aspirational rather than real. That’s useful information — it means there’s a gap to close.
Step 3: The Conflict Test (10 minutes)
Values only matter when they conflict. Test yours:
- Health vs. Career: A promotion requires 70-hour weeks. Which wins?
- Family vs. Adventure: A dream opportunity requires relocation. Which wins?
- Security vs. Growth: A risky career change with high upside. Which wins?
- Honesty vs. Kindness: The truth will hurt someone. Which wins?
If you can’t resolve these, your values aren’t prioritized enough. Go back to Step 1 and force-rank harder.
Step 4: Write Your Values Statement (15 minutes)
For each value, write one sentence:
[Value]: I [specific behavior] because [why it matters to me].
Examples:
- Health: I protect sleep and exercise because my body is the platform everything else runs on.
- Honesty: I tell the truth even when it’s uncomfortable because trust compounds and deception corrodes.
- Growth: I choose discomfort over stagnation because mastery gives me energy.
Step 5: Install the Decision Filter
When facing a decision, ask:
- Which option aligns with more of my core values?
- Which option violates fewer of my core values?
- If I chose Option A, would I respect myself more or less?
This doesn’t make decisions easy. It makes them clear.
Cadence
- One-time: Complete Steps 1-4 (75 minutes total)
- Weekly: One quick check: “Did I live my values this week?”
- Quarterly: Full review. Are these still your values? Any gaps between stated and lived?
- Annually: Major revision. Life changes shift priorities. Update accordingly.
- Before major decisions: Run the conflict test with the specific options
KPIs
| Indicator | Type | Target | How to measure |
|---|---|---|---|
| Values defined | Leading | 5 values, written and ranked | Document exists |
| Weekly check-in done | Leading | ≥3 per month | Habit tracker |
| Decision alignment | Lagging | Major decisions match values | Quarterly reflection |
| Regret frequency | Lagging | Decreasing over time | ”Did I act against my values?” |
Failure Modes
| Problem | Fix |
|---|---|
| Values are all aspirational, not real | Use the behavior audit (Step 2). If you can’t find examples, it’s an aspiration, not a value |
| Too many values (can’t prioritize) | Force-rank to 5. If everything is a priority, nothing is |
| Values sound generic (“integrity”) | Add the behavior sentence. “Integrity” means nothing. “I tell the truth even when it costs me” means something |
| Values don’t help with decisions | They’re not prioritized enough. Run the conflict test again |
| Values change over time | Expected. Review quarterly. A 25-year-old and a 45-year-old should have different priorities |
| Partner/family values conflict | Discuss explicitly. Shared values need negotiation, not assumption |
Related
- Prerequisite: Find Your Ikigai (purpose informs values)
- Next protocol: Set Meaningful Goals (values guide goal selection)
- Concept: Ikigai Model (values overlap with “what you love”)
- Concept: Passion vs Pragmatism (values clarify the passion question)
- Complement: Practice Mindfulness (self-awareness supports honest values work)